The Japanese Wife: An Australian Woman’s Memoir by Trish Takahashi, Paperback

Even this early, we can identify a critical fact in the unique development of cheating in Japan – its early society borrowed many themes from Confucianism. Japanese culture has used marriage in some form for well over 1,000 years. Similarly to in early Western societies, the primary purpose of marriage appears to have been to establish and consolidate bonds between families for mutual social gain and elevation in rank. But if I had to get married, chances are pretty good that I’d be over on eHarmony trying to meet Japanese women . I like the culture – especially how they put such a high emphasis on respect and honor for others. You’re not going to get that kind of respect and honor anywhere else.

Most Japanese folks live lives that might generously be called “frugal.” From a U.S. perspective, “impoverished” would be a more accurate description. A lot of soul searching and I realised the situation wasn’t going to change and I’d rather it just ended .

In most cases, the marri­ages themselves were events to remember, occurring after heated arguments with one or both sets of parents. Small-town paranoia often dictated the adverse attitudes of American read at parents and neighbors. Our systems have detected unusual traffic activity from your network.

  • They have caring nature, so they become great mothers and wives.
  • We have two kids and she makes the effort to have enthusiastic sex with me 2-3 times a week.
  • It is typical for a bride to enter with her father and then be « given away » to her husband—an exchange that usually involves bowing and shaking hands.
  • After the Meiji period, the head of the household was required to approve of any marriage.
  • Approximately one-in-five marriages in pre-modern Japan occurred between households that were already related.

In Japan I have yet to meet a woman who wanted to swap places with a man. My brother married a Japanese/American, and while they have stayed married for over 40 years, their sex life is far from perfect. She is very hard working and dedicated to their children, but can be very cold and mean.

If I had to do it all over again, would I marry another Japanese woman?

I’ve never found the sex to be lacking since I got married, and I would say that is more the norm than not in the international marriages I know of in Japan. Some of my friends do complain about the wife shutting down sex, but they are in the minority. Of course, this isn’t a scientific study, it’s just my own personal observances, but I’m a little skeptical when people say that you should expect that of the wife.

Moving to Japan with Children

In the Tokugawa period, men could divorce their wives simply through stating their intention to do so in a letter. Wives could not legally arrange for a divorce, but options included joining convents, such as at Kamakura, where men were not permitted to go, thus assuring a permanent separation.

I started as a way to share all the lessons I’ve learned about dating an Asian woman. Each passing year brings a deeper understanding to me that women are women – no matter where they come from.

Will you be part of the community, or even have any friends? People move to Japan all the time, and for a Westerner, it’s a pretty terrible idea. By the way, while I agree that traditional marriage is “a fckd up contract,” the number of “Japanese 19 y/o girls desperately looking for old dudes to exchange money for loveless, depressive sex” is entirely zero. That would be a misreading of the situation here. These non-regular employees earn about 53% less than regular ones on a comparable monthly basis, according to the Labor Ministry, and as primary earners are seven times more likely to fall below the poverty line. Men in this group are more than twice as reluctant to consider marriage, and in their 30s they are about 40% less likely to be married than those with regular employment.

If you don’t want something different, if you don’t want a man who complains about things instead of saying shoganai and shelling out money idiotically, if you don’t enjoy sex, leave the foreign guys alone! Don’t have kids with them and then ruin their lives by becoming a stubborn, Japanese obachan. Don’t marry a guy speaking English and then expect him to suddenly learn Japanese. Go marry a Japanese drone who will mutter shoganai or say nothing at all. Quite a few non-Japanese I know give their entire salary to their wives, beg her for some pocket money when they want to go out, then complain about this state of affairs. In the vast majority of cases foreign men can be happily married to Japanese women, but this is tested when children are involved. They wouldn’t divorce because of their children and the social stigma, but they find their wives unpleasant the majority of the time.

After about 4-5 years of marriage I started getting the pressure to find a seishain job with a higher salary. N Strangerland’s defense there are news reports of Japanese women taking the kids and without a word to the non-Japanese husband going to the airport and returning to Japan. Then the gaijin husband makes his way to Japan and demands to see his kids …


Leave a reply